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Jenna, Grand Bahama

I'm Jenna an alcoholic, drug addict and co-dependent. I'm a newcomer to this group. My latest DOS is 02/18/15, so I've been sober this time for about 8 months now. To whoever is angry, disappointed or feeling guilty about a relapse, all I can say is be grateful. Each relapse is a step closer to sobriety. 

The fact that you are honest in admitting you had a drink is huge! In this disease, honesty is key. I can't tell you how many times I relapsed in the last 12 years since I realized I had a drinking, addiction and co dependency issue.

I started going to AA meetings about 10 years ago and remained sober for 9 months. My excuse for picking up a drink that time was not sadness or anger. I did it because I felt pressured into drinking by my spouse and friends. That was really just an excuse though. Obviously, I was unaware of the gravity of my affliction at the time.

Over the last 5 years my life became unmanageable. During this time I was reading recovery books and connecting with alcoholism forums. I would manage to go for periods of 3 months with out drinking. I did not know how to sleep with out alcohol or drugs so I became addicted to prescription medication. I didn't know how to wake up with out alcohol or drugs.  

These substances all made me feel suicidal. So, on the morning of 02/18/15, I wrote a good bye letter to that two-faced bitch alcohol (yes to me she was like a pathological lying two faced frenemy) and told her I was done. In this letter, I wrote about all the harm she had caused me and my family. As I wrote this letter, so much about my relationship with alcohol came up.  It was cathartic.

My first 2 weeks getting clean were tough. I didn't sleep much. I was shaky. My husband was afraid I would leave him if I got sober.  I had cravings, but somehow my HP which I didn't know then kept me sober.

I'm beyond grateful for this online AA group and my sponsor. It's not by chance that we are here.

Surrender and let go. Stay here with us. We need you.

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